I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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