you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
