32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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