Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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