shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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