My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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