My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
