girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
