That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I see more hoeing in ur future
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