guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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