That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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