So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
