It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
