he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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