Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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