I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
