Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
