Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize