so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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