I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize