GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
