I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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