you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
