$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
