Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
