i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
