Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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