the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
