We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
