I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
