dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
