More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
