It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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