He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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