What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I understand Curling. That high.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
