I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize