sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
