Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
