Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
