He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
