my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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