There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
