i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
