I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
