you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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