I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.