Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something