Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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