took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
