i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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