what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
