Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
