Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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