Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
