dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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