bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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