Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
