Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
