dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
