i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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