So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
