He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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