recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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