He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
