I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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