apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i out mim tonsoeep
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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