Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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