Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
