Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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