I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's official drugs can't kill me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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